“Once we invite Christ into our lives, our heavenly Father grabs our hands. He’s not going to let us go. He’s not going to divorce us, and we can’t divorce Him. He’s not going to turn His back on us, no matter what. We can’t get out of His family. Once you’re in, you’re in. Theologians call it “the security of the believer.” As a believer in Christ, I’m secure in knowing there’s nothing I can do to cause God to stop loving me. We should have that same kind of security in marriage. The security that Lisa and I have in our marriage should be reflective of the security that we have in Christ. And when you have that kind of security, come hell or high water, you’re going to stay married. When you are determined that you will stay together no matter what, you have confidence in your spouse and in your marriage. You’re sure of yourself in marriage. You know that you have an agenda above and beyond this world. There is nothing like security in marriage.” – Taken from the book Sexperiment written by Ed and Lisa Young
When me and David said “til death do us part” we meant it! We both know without a shadow of a doubt that as long as we both shall live, we WILL be married to each other. There is absolutely nothing that could ever come between us. No, we are not naive to the fact that we will face trials. We are very aware, and try to make known to others the fact, that ALL marriages have issues that have to be dealt with, and we are no exception. We have been married for 10 years now and have definitely had our share of trials, some that could have easily wrecked our marriage. But we both know that whatever comes our way, no matter what it is, we will do whatever it takes to work through it and come out on top. Marriage is forever and that is something that neither of us will ever waver on.
Having that kind of security and confidence in your marriage really is an amazing feeling. However, we must also be careful not to get too comfortable in that feeling. When you know that no matter what, your marriage will survive, it can be easy to slide into taking the relationship for granted. Marriage is meant to be an amazing experience filled with love, compassion, forgiveness and joy. We don’t want to just be and remain married, we want to be happily, joyfully married and totally in love with our spouse! There are many tasks, roles, and responsibilities involved in your relationship, and it can be easy to start slacking off on some of them. Your physical appearance, your finances, your job, your communication (also making sure you’re speaking your spouses love language), romance and date nights, your sex life, your spirituality, your goals and dreams, your parenting and also seeing as how we are all continually growing and changing, we need to be continually learning our spouse. Many of us have such busy lives nowadays, that we’re often multi-tasking anywhere we can. But we must make a habit of really paying attention to our spouse, looking them in the eyes and really hearing what they are saying.
One way that we have found to keep things fresh and to make sure that we don’t get too comfortable in our security, is with a marriage “check-up”. Basically what that is, is a time when you and your spouse get alone together, give each other your full undivided attention, and discuss your marriage. What that usually looks like for us is going through a drive thru, taking our food to the park, parking in the most secluded spot (we usually do this in the afternoon), putting our seats back to get comfy, and having a little in-car picnic. We like to stay in the car for privacy during our discussion, but like to be out of the house to be free from any distractions. Then we will talk about pretty much anything thats been on our minds; any concerns that we may have in any area of our relationship, or anything that may be bothering us. It is specifically a time set aside to evaluate ourselves on how we are doing in our roles as a Godly husband and wife, and we ask each other if there are any ways that they feel we could improve in our role. It is very important to make clear and to understand that this is to be an open and honest, heartfelt, loving conversation. Therefore you shouldn’t get mad or upset when your spouse does have suggestions on ways that you could improve. You must speak out of love, from the heart and you must also listen to your spouses heart, and not just the words they speak. We feel that in doing this “check-up” it can release any potential tension that might build up and it can bring loving awareness to areas where we may be slacking off and may not even realize it. We should always strive to be the best hubby and wifey that we can be for our spouse. Spending time together in meaningful conversation helps bridge gaps in our relationships, and good communication is one of the most important aspects to any relationship.
Also we need to make sure that we are appreciative. Thank your spouse for the things you really appreciate about them. Its such an awesome feeling to know that your efforts aren’t going unnoticed and unappreciated. Make sure you let them know how awesome and loved they are. It really feels great to build each other up, and encourage one another. I always thank my hubby for being such a hard worker and providing for us; for allowing me to be a stay at home wife and focus on doing what I love and for being so supportive of my dreams and goals. I thank him for loving me through everything, and for always being willing to listen to me, my thoughts, opinions and feelings and treating them like they are important. You can always find the positives in each other, and verbally expressing your gratitude can mean so much to the other person, and to you. What you focus on is what gets bigger, so make sure that you focus on the best qualities of each other. We like to end our discussion with this kind of gratitude and appreciation. And then we make an effort to improve in the ways that we have discussed. None of us will ever be a perfect couple, and we all will need little tweaks here and there.
Lastly, when it comes to how often we do this marriage “check-up”, we don’t actually have a specific time frame. I think it really depends on you as a couple and where your relationship is at. I’d say once a month is a pretty good goal to have, but we sometimes do it more often and sometimes not as often, it really just depends on whats going on. If something is going on in our lives and one of us feels like we need to have a discussion or just have some things we want to talk about then we will plan on doing it either that day or the next day, even if we just had a “check-up” like two weeks prior. And if we both really feel like things are going great and smooth, then we might wait 2 months before the next one. But the important thing is to do it. If one of you wants to sit down and have this check-up, but the other of you feels like everything is great and its not really necessary, then you need to plan to do it anyways and as soon as possible. The whole point is to place value on each other, your heart, your feelings, your concerns, your thoughts…everything. We think its a pretty important part of keeping our marriage healthy and happy, so I’d definitely get it on the schedule at least every other month if not every month, even if the entire discussion is telling each other how awesome they’re doing and how much you love and appreciate them. ❤